


One Day In Your Life

by markleeder



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, baejin's just mentioned, because i miss my girls, cameo by SR18G, the one where they're both idiots, this one got out of hand very quickly, unbeta-d
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 05:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16549637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markleeder/pseuds/markleeder
Summary: -He's been wanting to headbutt Jaemin for some time now. Or was it to kiss him?Either way, Donghyuck takes two very purposeful steps forward and curls his hands into the collar of Jaemin's shirt. In the two steps it takes to reach Jaemin, he muddles both and clumsily ends up with his face buried in Jaemin's chest. He feels his face burn. He can feel Jaemin's grin without having to look at it when he locks his arms around Donghyuck's shoulder.“Fuck, can you shut up for one second?” Donghyuck complains.Jaemin chuckles instead. “What were you about to do?” He teases.-





	One Day In Your Life

**Author's Note:**

> -
> 
> honestly, this is a mess. I've never written anything so disjoint. I would've loved to consider it for a while longer before posting it but I have to be somewhere and I don't think i'll have the confidence to put it up again. i only wish i've done it some justice. 
> 
> I refer to canonical events but don't stick to the timeline  
> I also consider nct as 21 here, and use 116 to refer to their dorm (full well knowing they're quite possibly called NCT Vision or something)  
> (TW: talking about Jaemin's injury)
> 
> dt to the 5 people in nahyuck/hyuckmin nation <3
> 
> title from Michael Jackson's 'One day in your life'
> 
> -

 

_-i-_

 

Donghyuck has made peace with the fact that he has feelings for Jaemin. He’s just not very sure he wants Jaemin to know about these feelings yet. Jaemin is nice to everyone so it’s difficult to tell if Jaemin likes anyone beyond platonic affection.

It’s another broadcast day and they’re backstage, waiting to be called up and go live. Which means any moment now, Jaemin will latch onto one of them for a hug. Donghyuck tries not to look hopeful. Renjun usually squirms in Jaemin’s hold, Jeno and Jisung complain, Mark is, more often than not, ambushed with a back hug to which he’s now impassive by practice. Chenle is the only one who entertains Jaemin’s sudden hugs. He’ll mumble ‘thanks hyung’ only for Jaemin to hear and grin happily. It makes Jaemin look at him fondly and till Jisung starts hovering around them with a sour expression, demanding Chenle back.

Donghyuck doesn’t know how he reacts to Jaemin’s hugs. Not because he hasn’t been paying attention, but because Jaemin doesn’t come to him for hugs all that much. At least not as much as he’d expect. He wonders why. When they have several weeks-worth of promotions, Jaemin goes to a different one of them every day and sometimes there was a pattern.

“Hyung, you already hugged me yesterday. Let go” Jisung whines as Jaemin pulls him closer. It’s all happening very conveniently in front of Donghyuck while he pretends to fix his mic.

“Stay still” Jaemin mumbles, but it’s loud enough for Donghyuck to hear. “It doesn’t matter who. Whoever is closest will do” Jaemin explains. It doesn’t make sense to Donghyuck because it was coincidentally his turn if Jaemin has been following an order. Donghyuck needed that hug, but he didn’t know how to ask for it.

Jaemin doesn’t say anything after his own mic is fixed. He sees Donghyuck with a faraway look in his eyes and nudges his shoulder. He raises his eyebrows in question but Donghyuck just smiles back tiredly.

He feels Jaemin squeeze his hand reassuringly. He swallows nervously, hoping for Jaemin’s hand to stay there but it’s gone as quickly as it had come. Instead, Jaemin fluffs up his hair with the tips of his fingers just as they take the staircase up to the stage and it leaves Donghyuck’s scalp tingling and the tips of his ears red.

 

*

 

Jaemin is sitting far away from him. These days Donghyuck feels like Jaemin is drifting away from him a little by little and it’s not just the physical distance. Their Vlive is about to begin and Jaemin has been quiet the entire morning. The rest of them are loud and their usual rowdy selves so it’s easy to not notice that one of them is quieter. Donghyuck is worried and Jaemin won’t look at anyone, half his face covered with a white mask, the top half almost hidden by a cap and he’s made himself home stuck to Jisung’s side.

He looks miserable.

Donghyuck leaps at the opportunity to hold the phone and read their fan comments. This isn’t too unusual for him, except Donghyuck only has eyes for Jaemin, and if he can’t physically turn to talk some sense into him or make the boy look at him, he can at least keep an eye on Jaemin through the tiny phone screen. He’s upset Jaemin is always sitting on the outer ends. It’s becoming a recurring thing and Donghyuck doesn’t like it.

Was it that Jaemin was purposely sitting away from him? Avoiding him because of the bingsu incident last week? Donghyuck swears it he had forgotten momentarily, it was an honest mistake. Pouring milk on their fruits instead of sprite because he had forgotten Jaemin was lactose intolerant. Donghyuck’s throat constricts thinking about how Jaemin’s face had fallen, as it should have because he had worked hard to prepare everything even when the rest of them had started getting distracted. And then he couldn’t even taste it.

Donghyuck remembers chewing his lip bloody, stressed out because Jaemin had forgiven him much too easily. Johnny had chided him and only then he had let it go.

“Why have you covered your face Jaemin?” someone asks, and it makes Donghyuck snap out of his thoughts. “It’s a comment”

“I’m not—I haven’t shaved” Jaemin apologizes sheepishly, quickly looking away when Donghyuck’s eye catches his. Donghyuck feels a tiny bit upset but he’s determined to get to the bottom of this.

That Vlive ends smoothly. There’s a 00line outing planned later in the week and Donghyuck is swept along as soon as he comes back tired from a 127 schedule. Out of one bingsu incident and he’s stepped into another.

Two orders of the same bingsu to share between four of them and none that Jaemin can eat. What’s worse is, they’re recording and that’s the second time Donghyuck’s about to make a mistake on air.

Jaemin teases him playfully and lets a few taunts fly in the space between them. He lets it slide yet again but Donghyuck hooks his legs around Jaemin’s under the table anyway, trying to say sorry but the apology is stuck in his throat. One second longer and his eyes would water. Jeno and Renjun are bickering loudly over the last spoonful of bingsu and then they turn to them.

“Are you eating that?” Renjun eyes their barely touched bowl. Jaemin turns to Donghyuck, expecting him to curl his arm protectively around their bowl and threaten them with the spoon in his hand. When Donghyuck slides the bowl towards Jeno with a smile, Jaemin looks bewildered. It takes a moment for Jaemin to recover.

“You shouldn’t have done that” Jaemin says, as he leans forward to rest his chin on his folded arms.

Donghyuck does the same but burrows his head deeper into his arms. He eyes Jaemin, reaching out to push away the bangs falling over his eyes and tightens the way his legs are curled around Jaemin’s. When he sees Jaemin trying hard not to smile, he knows all is truly forgiven.

 

*

 

Donghyuck is so hopelessly crushing on Jaemin that his overseas schedules with the 127 team takes a toll on him. He hasn’t seen Jaemin in nearly a month and when he thinks about how Jaemin used to at least text him once every two days, he feels himself choke up. Now the only way they talk is with everyone present in the group chat. He buries himself in his favourite hoodie. Not everyone knows the ‘sinners’ hoodie is actually Jaemin’s. It’s a gift because that’s how many times Donghyuck has _borrowed_ it.

All he can do to quell his frustrations is sleep. At least Johnny and Taeyong let him curl up beside them.

The distance hurts him. He doesn’t know how to stop Jaemin from slipping farther away. He could spend time gaming at the Dream dorm all the time because his room with the 127 hyungs was right upstairs. But practice and promotions have kept him away. He’s too exhausted to spend time with his friends. Even when Jaemin (with Jeno and Renjun) drops by to see him, he’s already fast asleep, tired to the bones.

Renjun facetimes him. He walks around the dorm talking, pulling the rest of the boys into the frame so it doesn’t look suspicious when he has to pull in Jaemin. Renjun _knows_. Donghyuck’s not as subtle as he thinks he is but Renjun still waits for Donghyuck to tell him everything. All Donghyuck can do right now is say thanks because there’s hardly time or privacy to explain anything.

“Are you going to cry?” Jaemin narrows his eyes at the screen as he undoes his apron. Donghyuck bites his lip but it’s hard to blink away the tears that had clouded his vision as soon as Jaemin had come on screen.

“Hey you” Donghyuck’s voice quivers miserably.

“Donghyuck” Jaemin says sternly, as if they didn’t have this odd tension between them from not having talked for a month. Jaemin was still Jaemin. He cared too much, too deeply. He wasn’t awkward at all. Had Donghyuck read too much into things? Had he driven himself into a corner by overthinking? It looks like that and now he feels foolish.

“What, I’m not crying. I just miss you…” He says and Jaemin’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “All. I miss you all” Donghyuck scrambles too add. It’s almost 10pm in L.A. and Donghyuck’s supposed to be asleep.

“Where’s everyone else? Why are you alone?” Jaemin frowns. He doesn’t like that Donghyuck is alone in such a state.

“They’re out celebrating” Donghyuck says. “They’ll be back late”

They end up talking for more than an hour. Jaemin goes out of his way to make Donghyuck laugh. He tells him all the recent gossip and updates him on all the pranks Jisung and Chenle had subjected Jeno to, to substitute for the unavailability of their leader. They bicker over Jaemin’s hoodie which Donghyuck refuses to return even for any sort of replacement. It’s one size too big on him so it’s easy to hide inside it when Jaemin says anything that catches him off guard.

It’s not helping Jaemin’s case that Donghyuck is on the bed lying on his side, buried up to his nose in Jaemin’s hoodie and cheeks squished against the pillows. Jaemin is a pretty shade of red too. And Donghyuck teases him about it.

“Shut up, it’s cold out here” Jaemin whines. Donghyuck sees Jaemin’s hair flutter with the wind and it’s only then that Donghyuck realises that Jaemin has stepped outside. He sits up abruptly.

“Why are you out?!” Donghyuck panics. They’re not supposed to go out alone. They had rules; the hyungs had taught them the rules.

“I’m heading to the 116 dorm” Jaemin looks both ways before crossing the street. The 116 boys were in the building across them.

“Why?”

“We’re going to put you to sleep and they have just the thing I need” Jaemin smiles at him. Yangyang opens the door with cheery smile and Jaemin tosses him the phone to keep Donghyuck busy while he looks for the handover box of possessions Taemin had given Ten.

Ten and Kun crowd around the phone to talk to Donghyuck. Jaemin yells from the room how Donghyuck feels out of it and Ten takes it upon himself to make the boy feel better but not before giving him a stern talking to. ‘Call me in the morning, or I’m calling Johnny’ Ten tells him because he too, like Renjun, had an inkling as to what was really going on.

“Hyung I’m borrowing this” Jaemin tells Ten “I’ll bring it back tomorrow”

“What, what is it?” Donghyuck yells. Jaemin just turns the phone around so everyone can say bye and then he’s walking back to their dorm. He toes off his shoes, gets rid of his jacket and walks past the living room to their dining area. Jeno and Renjun are watching a horror movie. Jisung and Chenle are huddled together, deep in some online game on their phones.

He pulls up a chair to sit and laughs fondly at how Donghyuck’s whines for him to reveal what he has.

“It’s way past 2 in Seoul isn’t it? And I didn’t even ask if you had lunch. Did you eat?” Donghyuck realises suddenly. Jaemin had put away his apron when they’d started talking. But that could mean anything.

Jaemin had seen the plates washed and dried on the counter when he had walked in. Renjun had neatly plated his portions and left it covered on the counter for him. Jeno had come in once or twice to nag him earlier when he had started talking to Donghyuck, about having food on time but Jaemin had waved him away. Renjun had conveniently turned up to drag Jeno away so that worked out in his favour.

“Yes” he lies. “I ate before you called so forget that” he says. “Look at your eyes all droopy. You need to sleep”

“What did you get me from Ten hyung?” Donghyuck slips into his covers and lies on his side again.

Jaemin puts his head down on the table as well, mirroring Donghyuck. “This” Jaemin brings a tiny music box in front of the screen. He winds up the key and pulls it away from the screen to near the speaker.

“Close your eyes” Jaemin says. Donghyuck does and then the music starts playing.

“Michael Jackson?” Donghyuck chuckles but keeps his eyes closed. “In a music box?”

“You took your record player with you, so I _had_ to come up with something” Jaemin mumbles sleepily. It’s nice and comfortable with the central heating on.

Donghyuck’s eyes flutter open at how sleepy Jaemin sounds but Jaemin is looking back at him. He’s so beautiful. Donghyuck wishes they could stay like this for a little longer.

“Sleep” Jaemin says again. Donghyuck pouts but let’s the music lull him into sleep. Jaemin watches till Donghyuck’s form goes lax and the phone tumbles out of his hand.

“Goodnight Donghyuck” he whispers, and then his stomach growls in hunger.

 

*

 

It’s always push and pull with Jaemin. Sometimes he’s delicate, tipping Donghyuck’s chin up just so he can get rid of the stray thread stuck to Donghyuck’s bangs. Donghyuck has let himself wrap his arms around Jaemin in a moment of weakness, his forehead pressed against Jaemin’s nape because Jaemin lets him do whatever he wants when he gets moody like that. But in the same day, Jaemin’s eyes could also skim over him like he didn’t exist in his field of vision.

Jaemin has such a huge presence even in his peripheral awareness that it’s hard not to notice when he disappears. When everyone swarms 127 after they return from long trips and faraway schedules, Jaemin hangs back. Donghyuck looks for Jaemin but Renjun assures him sneakily that it’s because he’s worried about his back that Jaemin doesn’t come close when they’re welcoming everyone home. It becomes a riot when 21 people gather. Try to get food delivered and it could become a stampede. Donghyuck understands why it’s better for Jaemin to keep his distance.

He wonders how the injury is. It’s been a while since he asked so he worries about it because of the way Renjun brought it up. This time, he feels another hand squeeze his and a pat on his lower back. Before he can think of turning to Jaemin, he has disappeared. Donghyuck is disappointed but he takes everyone’s congratulations as best as he can without letting Jaemin’s absence affect him more.

At dinner too, Jaemin is far away on the opposite side of the room laughing with Yangyang and Yukhei. Donghyuck has no appetite so he excuses himself. Renjun walks him up to their dorm with a knowing smile so Donghyuck sits him down in the stairwell to explain everything.

“Tell him” Renjun says after hearing it all.

“I can’t” Donghyuck buries his face in his hands. “I don’t think he likes me”

“What if he does?”

“One second he’s too nice to me and then he pretends like I don’t exist. I don’t know what to think”

“Maybe he’s trying not to scare you away you know? You know how clingy he is with all of us. He probably doesn’t want to come off as overbearing to you”

“That’s stupid. I just want to kiss him” Donghyuck mumbles into the crook of his elbow.

“So do it coward” Renjun shoves him so he topples sideways.

 

Later that night, he finds a pack of Pepero in his room, sitting on top of his suitcase with a sticky note. In Jaemin’s neat handwriting, there’s an apology and a promise to make it up to him tomorrow. ‘We should cook together’ it also says, ‘it’s been a while’

There’s a wink doodle on the side and it makes Donghyuck laugh out loud. He carefully sticks it to the underside of Jaehyun’s top bunk so it’s the first thing he sees tomorrow morning. He falls asleep reminding himself to ask about Jaemin’s back when they see each other tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

_-ii-_

 

 

The next day is a well-earned holiday for them all. A lot of them go home. Jisung goes to Chenle’s so it’s really just Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun in the Dream dorm. Donghyuck leaps at the opportunity to spend time with his friends. Mark just wants to sleep so he leaves him be.

It’s a movie marathon day. They’re already gathered on the mattress on the floor, a bowl of popcorn between them and two of their fluffiest blankets when Donghyuck comes down to the dorm. The curtains are closed and it’s dark enough to enjoy the movie without wanting to fall asleep.

Donghyuck forgets everything he was supposed to say as soon as he spots Jaemin smile at him and pat the empty space beside him. He soon realises the mistake he’s made by agreeing to sit in between Jaemin and Jeno. Renjun is on Jeno’s other side, or was. Not so much now because they shuffle around noisily till Renjun is in Jeno’s lap. Renjun smiles at him mischievously and Donghyuck understands the implications of it very quickly.

 _You little shit._ He thinks as he leans away from the pair of them as Renjun leans back against Jeno. It’s only natural to rest his head sideways on Jaemin’s shoulder. Jaemin immediately adjusts his height to best accommodate him and Donghyuck smiles to himself when he feels the weight of Jaemin’s head on his own.

 

Donghyuck feels the hair on the back of his neck rise when he hears Jeno and Renjun making out beside him. Jaemin remains unmoving. Donghyuck wonders if he’s noticed. He feels so embarrassed, he wants to bury himself. He tries to hide his discomfort with the only way he knows.

“ _God_ , they’re so disgusting” He complains lowly. It makes Jaemin snicker. “Change seats with me”

“Not gonna happen sweetie” Jaemin gives back. Donghyuck pinches him on the side and it makes Jaemin yelp, jostling them farther from each other. They lean back into each other quickly, sliding a little further away from the couple and Donghyuck locks his arm with Jaemin’s under the blanket to pull him close so they could whisper.

“You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?” Donghyuck accuses him.

“Absolutely. Do you want to try separating them? I’m not burying your dead body okay?” Donghyuck can hear Jaemin smile beside his ear.

“Well nothing’s stopping me from getting up and sitting on your other side” Donghyuck tells him.

“I won’t share the blanket if you do”

“It’s not your blanket”

“My name’s literally sewn on it” Jaemin says.

Donghyuck moves back to look at Jaemin suspiciously. “No way” he says. Jaemin holds his gaze for a long second before pulling Donghyuck back down as soon as he moves to get up. He holds Donghyuck’s hand tightly in his and turns back to the tv. Donghyuck bites the inside of his cheek and reaches for the remote.

Jeno and Renjun giggle beside him, getting handsy and mumbling sappy things to each other. Donghyuck sighs and Jaemin laughs when he turns up the volume.

 

 

 

It doesn’t take a lot for things to go downhill very quickly.

 

It’s in the evening when he’s upstairs that everyone that had gone home starts coming back one by one. It’s also at this time that he gets into an unreasonable argument with Mark and it escalates very, _very_ quickly. Unlike most times, he wants to get far away from the dorm because it feels so suffocating.

“I’ll be downstairs in the other dorm for a while” he tells Johnny, Taeyong and Kun who were seated around the dining table and had very obviously heard their two youngest argue.

“Don’t stay out late” Johnny says and Donghyuck turns away with a stiff nod. He walks past a very confused Doyoung who’s coming in with his bags. Each step he takes down the stairs makes him more frustrated. He’s shaking with anger, a new record of sorts he had never thought he’d achieve with Mark. He was ready to explode.

Renjun lets him in and he knows immediately that Donghyuck is not in the best of his moods. He leads Donghyuck to the living room where the rest of them are. Jaemin looks at him worriedly and Donghyuck really just not wants to see Jaemin right now either.

“Hyung, what happened this time?” Jisung asks when he spots Donghyuck’s fists curled up so tight, his nails dig into his palms. They all know the only thing that makes Donghyuck so unbelievably angry is an argument with Mark.

“Oh god, he’s so annoying” Donghyuck starts off, shakily. “He’s so annoying, I want to punch him” Donghyuck mutters through grit teeth, pacing around the room, refusing to sit.

“That’s not an option” Renjun says.

“He can’t win an argument to save his life so he has the audacity to bring in things from two years ago into this” Donghyuck’s nostrils flare. “Things that are irrelevant now!”

“Hyuck, it’s okay. I’m sure he didn’t do that on purpose” Jeno tries to pacify him.

“Oh, he did. _He did._ He knows exactly how I feel about it so he thinks he can use it against me” Donghyuck grinds his teeth. “I hate him. _God,_ I hate him” Donghyuck mutters to himself. He doesn’t realise his hands have curled around a humidifier till Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun all scramble up into his personal space. Jeno pries it away from his hands gently. Renjun chides him, rubbing his back because he really can’t see past his anger sometimes. Jaemin has both his hands clasped in his own, thumbs caressing his knuckles.

“You don’t hate him Donghyuck” Jaemin tells him kindly. “It’s just a stupid fight. People say what they don’t mean to all the time”

“He meant it this time. He did. You should’ve seen him” Donghyuck is irritable and he tries to pull away. Jaemin moves closer, grip on his hands tighter.

“It’s just Mark hyung. You fight all the time and you’ve forgiven him for worse things” he says.

Donghyuck snaps. “You don’t know Jaemin!” he yells. “You know nothing about what happened two years ago” he pulls his hands away angrily and shoves Jaemin away. “You don’t know what happened because you weren’t there so leave me the _fuck_ alone”

Jaemin stumbles back, burned. Donghyuck sees the light leave Jaemin’s eyes and the film of tears that replace the usual twinkle as he understands what he had just said. The silence that falls on the room is heavy and suffocating. Renjun looks alarmed, Chenle holds Jisung back from going to Jaemin and Jeno puts himself in between Jaemin and Donghyuck. He looks very disappointed.

“Enough” he says, with a firm grip on Donghyuck’s shoulder. Donghyuck is breathing hard. He’s made a mistake. It’s a recurring thing between Jaemin and him and now he has another thing on the list of things he needs to apologize to Jaemin for.

Jaemin tries to keep his smile but the frown between his eyebrows is deep and telling. He blinks away his tears and turns to Chenle, who is the only person he can bear to look at right now.

“I’m going to head out for a bit okay?” he smiles and backs away slowly.

“Wait _Nana_ —” Donghyuck tries but chokes up.

“I’ll be back soon” Jaemin is out of the door before anyone can comprehend what happened. Jaemin hadn’t even bothered to change out of his slippers. The door shuts close with a soft click and Chenle lets out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding. Jisung reacts first, dashing out after Jaemin yelling for him to come back. Renjun and Jeno share a look before Renjun follows out after Jisung.

Donghyuck knows Jaemin isn’t angry. He’s just very upset. The way the door had click shut so quietly, it’s like the time Jaemin had forgiven him so quickly that he had felt even more guilty.

He turns to Jeno, a tear slipping down his cheek. Jeno wipes it away hastily with his sleeve. Chenle makes them both sit down on the couch.

“Hyuck, you know better than to bring up Jaemin’s injury. What happened?” Jeno asks. Donghyuck looks down, ashamed that he had let his rage control him.

“I was talking to Mark hyung about Jaemin. Maybe a bit too much. I’ve been talking about him the entire afternoon so he got irritated, I think? I couldn’t just tell Jaemin he was the reason Mark and I fought” Donghyuck cries.

“Oh Hyuck” Jeno gathers him in his arms.

“Mark brought up the fact that he knew I had a crush on him two years ago, when he clearly knows I have a thing for Jaemin now”

Chenle takes his hand. “You know how Jaemin hyung feels about his injury don’t you? It was a while before he felt adequate enough to feel like he really was part of the team again, so why? You were the one who begged us to never bring it up hyung”

“I’ve been thinking about his injury for the past few days and I’ve been wanting to ask him about it. I’ve been thinking about it so much that this is how it all came out. I didn’t think. I don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to lose him”

“You won’t. He’s not like that” Chenle tells him reassuringly. Donghyuck remembers how Jaemin had to keep revisiting the company counsellor to keep his mental health in check. The older boys used to take turns accompanying him to the physiotherapist to make sure his condition doesn’t regress. It was a while before Jaemin was happier and comfortable with them all. All he did now was maintain a diary, the one Donghyuck knows is in his bedside drawer. Reminding Jaemin of it all is the worst thing he could have done to him.

The door flies open and Jisung walks in, wiping a tired hand across his face. “I—I lost him. I thought he might’ve gone down but when I reached the streets he was gone. He hasn’t been to the 116 dorm either”

Donghyuck pales when Renjun comes up alone behind Jisung. “He’s not upstairs, not even on the rooftop”

It was dangerous to go out alone. Especially dangerous to head out angry or depressed because they couldn’t control the possibility of accidents or stupid Dispatch reports. And Donghyuck is reminded of just that when Taeyong, Johnny and Kun come up at the doorway looking very confused.

“Which one of you wants to tell me why I just got a call from Jaemin saying ‘I’m okay, don’t panic’ and nothing else?” Kun looks between them.

Johnny’s eyes land on Donghyuck. It’s difficult to hide his tear streaked face even if he looks away.

“Donghyuck?”

 

*

 

Very conveniently, they have all member practice sessions scheduled the next day. Twenty-one of them left to practice in a large studio was rather convenient to cover up the tension between two of their youngest. The practice session is full of laughter and teasing, but the boys are serious when they need to learn.

Everyone involved yesterday keeps looking between Jaemin and Donghyuck worriedly because not all is as peachy as it seems. Jaemin remains stoic, unspeaking and only looks at himself in the mirror. His composure does not break. He hides behind a cap and mask, and he hasn’t spoken all day, except entertain a little teasing from the older boys with an endeared but tired smile. Ten and Taeyong have to call breaks fearing his back might not take the exertion.

Donghyuck is all over the place. It’s difficult to concentrate with how Jaemin is pretending he doesn’t exist. With difficulty he remembers the choreography but he keeps messing up the formations over and over. He feels like burdening the rest of the group with how many times they've had to rewind the tape just so he could get it right.

“All right, everyone out. Take a break, be back in 15. Don't let your body cool down too much” Ten claps his hand and half the members follow him out. The room smells of sweat and the mirrors are fogged up. 

“Is the exhaust not working?” Yuta curses under his breath, following after Taeil and Jaehyun. “We should ask to get it checked” 

Taeyong throws a towel over Donghyuck’s head. “Don't get sick” he says and walks out with the newest of them towards the lockers for a change of clothes. Donghyuck leans back against the wall opposite the mirrors, head on his knees and he feels very bitter about the way today was turning out. He wanted to explain himself to Jaemin but privacy was not a luxury with twenty other boys hovering around. He hadn’t gotten one word in and then this was a disaster of a practice because he couldn’t focus.

A can of energy drink rolls and bumps into his feet when Jeno comes to sit beside him. 

“Is this for me?” Donghyuck asks. 

“It's not mine” Jeno shrugs. 

Donghyuck whips his head around to the door only to catch a glimpse of the flannel Jaemin had wrapped around his waist disappear out into the hallway.

  


 

Jaemin has given a fair warning to the older boys, so when and if the news comes to them, they’re not caught off guard. It _is_ Dispatch that reports a seemingly unexpected friendship between Jaemin and Wanna One’s Jinyoung. The report sounds a little disappointed that it was just friends meeting but is overall a positive one. There’s a grainy picture of Jaemin, a little underdressed for the chilly weather with Jinyoung dressed in black from head to toe sitting outside a convenience store. They’re both bent over looking at a phone screen and it looks like they’re laughing.

 

Jaemin gets called out of practice several times that day. To be reprimanded, to apologise to the other Agency, to draft a public letter of apology if at all things get out of hand. Donghyuck still hasn’t gotten the chance to apologize and with the way things were going, he felt like Jaemin was getting farther away and that it was getting too late to apologize. He hated not being able to ask Jaemin what was really going on, he hated not being able to help.

He stumbles across Jaemin trying to convince Taeyong not to apologize to Wanna One’s leader who is also Taeyong’s friend. Donghyuck hides behind a wall. He didn’t want to intrude. The fan reactions from both sides were very positive but Donghyuck is still anxious.

Jaemin swears he just bumped into Jinyoung that day and that they only knew _of_ each other. Taeyong looks at him in disbelief because the picture clearly looks otherwise.

“He airdropped his entire folder of memes into my phone” Jaemin explains. “That’s what we were laughing at!”

Donghyuck bites his hand to hide his laughter. Of course it was something silly like that. He’s determined to get through to Jaemin today. It might become too late after this and even though they’ve come back to each other after minor disagreements, Donghyuck knows this one might just cause the kind of strain on their friendship that could permanently drive them apart.

 

Once outside Jaemin’s room, he feels his determination leave him. He deflates when he hears laughter from inside the room. Jaemin is talking on the phone and Donghyuck is pretty sure it’s with Jinyoung.

“What are you doing?” Renjun comes up behind him. Donghyuck startles with a yelp and promptly panics when he hears Jaemin walk towards the door. Renjun pulls him into his room and shuts the door quickly. They both look at each other, ears pressed against the door to listen if the coast is clear.

“…I swear I heard someone outside” they hear Jaemin outside in the corridor. “Anyway. My Ryan plushie has been missing all week and I can’t seem to fall asleep without it…” his voice fades away as the door to his room closes with a soft click. Renjun raises his brows at Donghyuck. _You know what to do,_ that means.

Donghyuck knows exactly what plushie Jaemin is talking about. He had bought that ridiculous looking thing on one of their 00line outings. Donghyuck also remembers Taeil taking a picture of Winwin asleep with one of those barely two days ago. He knows where that ended up so he bolts up to their dormitory, past the living room straight to Johnny’s room.

Johnny had been muttering about a stray plushie last night so this is where it had to be. He comes face to face with a small army of stuffed animals. Johnny could very well start a store out of his bedroom. It’s easy to spot the one he’s looking for.

 

 

Jaemin finds the plushie sitting on his bed the next evening with a note under it. Donghyuck’s handwriting has seen better days.

 _‘Sleep well’_ it says. He smiles to himself and slips the note into his diary.    

 

 

Taeyong stops by his room a little later looking slightly apologetic. It’s Jaemin’s turn in the kitchen but suddenly the plan has changed to dinner with all twenty-one of them. Taeyong assures him half of it will come from 116’s kitchen. Renjun has gone over to help Xuxi. Jaemin wonders how much of that will actually be edible. He makes a mental note to make some extra side dishes here.

Taeyong, Kun and Jaehyun are supervising today. They have the ingredients and the recipes ready to avoid confusion. Jaehyun is already at the 116 dorm and Kun here, with Taeyong ready to watch over 127‘s kitchen.

“You’re going to need some help” Taeyong says. “The only people available are Jungwoo, Jeno and Donghyuck. Who do you need?”

It would not have been a difficult choice to make if he was at least amiable with Donghyuck. Jungwoo gets distracted easily. Jeno follows instructions well—slowly, carefully but Jaemin really doesn’t have till tomorrow. The only one comfortable in the kitchen was Donghyuck. It was their safe space.

“Good choice” Taeyong messes his hair and walks away with a smile.

“Hyung, I didn’t even say anything!” Jaemin calls out after him. But all things considered, this thing with Donghyuck was dragging out longer than it usually does between them. It was time to go back to the way it was. The team was priority. Personal feelings should be set aside, he knew that.

Taeyong waves him away and tells him to come upstairs quickly if he wants to finish early. Jaemin finds Donghyuck already in the kitchen in an apron, cutting up all the vegetables they need for the dishes tonight. He shows Jaemin the list stuck on the fridge with a magnet and turns back to his vegetables.

Jaemin notes how calm Donghyuck looks, and cute but mostly calm and collected, aware of his surroundings unlike his clumsy and lost-self in the practice room the day before yesterday. It’s what the kitchen does to both of them. This is a place they grew up cooking together under the guidance of Jaehyun and Taeyong. They know their way around here. Jaemin slips on his apron, something Donghyuck would usually tie for him, and sets to work on the broth.

There would be bets in the kitchen and then consequences for the loser, but none of that today.

 

 

“Hyung, how is this a good idea?” Kun looks nervously into the kitchen from where he’s sitting around the table with Taeyong. Donghyuck and Jaemin haven’t said one word to each other.

“Shh, just watch Kun” Taeyong reassures him, pulling up their printed schedules to work on matching both units’ practice timings. Apart from the all member performance they were preparing, they needed to work on a proposal for the management.

“They've been ignoring each other for the last three days and you just put them on cooking duty. Together in the kitchen. With knives” Kun is worried, if the frown says anything.

Taeyong smiles cryptically.

“Is this a good time to panic?” Kun sighs. That’s not how he would have gone about trying to settle the tension between _his_ kids. They were very much capable of stabbing each other.  

 

Both Donghyuck and Jaemin are naturals in the kitchen and their synergy is apparent with the speed and quality of their work. They mostly work in silence but they know what needs to be done. Jaemin gets the main dishes done on time, thanks to Donghyuck working around him, sliding him whatever was needed when it was needed. Donghyuck makes quick work of the sides, plating them up and readying the extras according to Taeyong’s elaborate list of everyone’s preferences.

Jaemin works mostly by smell and usually trusts Donghyuck to tell him if something is amiss. He turns to Donghyuck with a ladle of hot broth and forgets they weren’t talking to each other. Donghyuck looks up at him, a little surprised like it wasn’t usual for them. Jaemin steps back dejectedly suddenly at a loss for what to do but then he sees Donghyuck lean forward a bit.

So he does the only thing he knows. He blows a little for the broth to cool down and brings the ladle forward for Donghyuck to taste. Donghyuck slurps it up and mumbles _‘perfect’_ before blinking up rapidly at him and nodding in approval. Jaemin’s sees the tips of his ear turn redder when he turns away to clean the counter. In his head, Donghyuck looks shy but he passes it off as the heat in the kitchen.

 

When it’s all ready, Taeyong and Kun come by to taste.

“Hmm, the salt is…” Taeyong scrunches his face a little. Jaemin curls his hand around Donghyuck's wrist and takes the blame.

“Oh stop teasing them” Kun elbows Taeyong’s side. “Everything’s perfect. It’s really well done” Kun compliments them and Taeyong laughs from the back. Jaemin feels Donghyuck’s head slump against his shoulder from where he’s standing behind him.

“Good job you two” Taeyong beams at them before turning away.

“I’ll gather everyone” Kun says, pulling out his phone to text the group chat.

“Chenle and Jisung are on dish duty” Taeyong decides as he loops his arm around Kun’s shoulder.

“They won’t like that” Kun laughs in disbelief as they walk towards the living room to call everyone that’s already here. Jaemin sighs in relief and lets his head fall down against Donghyuck’s.

 

 

 

 

_-iii-_

 

 

It’s Friday night.

Renjun lets Donghyuck into the Dream dorm. Donghyuck mutters a thanks as Renjun pushes all the bolts back into place. 

“What happened?” Renjun is sleepy but he can see Donghyuck’s puffed up eyes. He’s glad Donghyuck texted him. 

“I fought with Mark hyung again” Donghyuck’s lower lip wobbles as he holds back his tears. “It's stupid. I'm stupid.”

Jeno wraps himself around Donghyuck from the back as Renjun wipes a stray tear away.

“I was going to sleep in the hall but Yuta hyung's passed out on the sofa and his bed is still full of stuff he brought back from home. Johnny hyung's not back from radio. I didn’t know where else to go” Donghyuck says. 

“I’m glad you came here. Now. You're going to sleep and we're going to talk about it in the morning okay?” Renjun says gently.

Donghyuck nods. Jeno steers him to Jaemin's room. Donghyuck doesn’t resist but slips in a protest anyway.

“I can take the couch” he says. It was still a little awkward with Jaemin. Even after the near perfect restaurant quality dinner they'd set out for the entire family tonight. Together. 

“Nonsense” Jeno says sternly and that’s that.

“He fell asleep earlier” Renjun explains. “Just get in. He sleeps on the side anyway”

In the night light, Donghyuck can make out a queen-sized bed and Jaemin fast asleep with his Ryan plushie pressed to his chest. There's a blanket draped very neatly over him that's much too big for one person. The room is much smaller than the rooms of the other boys who have single beds and desks to themselves but Jaemin’s room is the cosiest and their favourite place to hang out. 

Jeno and Renjun tuck Donghyuck in and leave. Donghyuck tries to sleep. His head hurts. He sleeps restlessly, blinking awake every 20 minutes, trying to shuffle and turn as quietly as he possibly can.

At one point, Donghyuck notes with displeasure that the digital clock blinks 3.10am back at him, he contemplates sneaking out of the house. Maybe take a walk to the park 3 blocks down. He misses the swings. Or he could bike down to Han river. It's not too far. And he could loiter around, pet dogs out with people for morning walks and wait for his favourite coffee shop to open. Rules be damned. Nobody will know and he’ll be back before anyone recognises him outside.

He sits up but realises soon that his bike keys are up in the 127 dorm, in his room. He sighs and lays back down, throwing an arm above his eyes thinking about taking that walk anyway. He really should’ve thought ahead when he stormed out. He only had his wallet. His phone is up in his own room too. He really was the worst runaway.

He had scratched out a short apology on a sticky note for Taeyong and left it beside his bed in the room he shares with Yuta. And if neither Taeyong nor Johnny had come looking for him, he figures Renjun had shot them both a text. He was smart like that.

Option #3 was to take Jaemin's bike out. Donghyuck could see the keys dangling by the door over his arm. This is probably his worst idea yet. It's only a sign that the universe agrees when Jaemin shifts in his sleep as soon as the thought flashes through his head. He is so desperate that he's contemplating taking away Jaemin's bike for a ride when they're not even on talking terms.

 _So get him his favourite coffee back_ , his brain supplies helpfully.

Donghyuck sighs at the absurdity of it, eyes flying to the keys again. There's a glow in the dark key chain with the keys. Unsurprisingly etched with _‘czennie_ ’.

 

He remembers the day Jaemin got that.

 

The 00line was returning after a well spent day out together and they had all run into their friends in the practice room they'd usually use. They were busy preparing a pre-debut project. Handmade goodies and handwritten notes all being gift-wrapped for 100 lucky fans.

Donghyuck remembers screeching in delight and making a beeline for Koeun. He had offered to help, realising peripherally that the others had too. She had patted his head fondly and proceeded to flick his forehead in the same minute. Donghyuck had toppled backwards groaning and thought, some things never change. When he had oriented himself, he realized how right he was because Jaemin had pulled up a chair in front of Hina's desk. 

He had pouted at her to make him a personalized goodie while Jeno had laughed at them and moved to settle on the floor beside Renjun, Lami and Yizhuo.

Donghyuck had tried his very best to ignore the way Jaemin and Hina's knees knocked together, how they were both bent over a delicate piece of jewellery so lost in Jaemin’s suggestions and Hina’s quick implementation that they didn't realise their heads were touching, how Hina had growled at him but melted anyway as soon as Jaemin had smiled at her and settled for a high five instead of the usual punch to his shoulder. 

“You're the best Hina”, Donghyuck had heard Jaemin say while cooing at his piece. “I want the note. C'mon write something for me!”

Donghyuck had felt Hina's glare and resolutely not lifted his head up to look. He had his own gift-wrapped boxes to tie with ribbons and he was going to do it right.

“Don't look”, Hina had hissed and shoved Jaemin's face away. She had neatly folded the paper and turned to Jaemin.

“Open it at home” She had said.

“Oh, stamp too!” Jaemin had said and Hina had promptly stomped hard on his foot. Donghyuck remembers snorting among the ambient laughter because Jaemin had slammed his knee into the underside of the desk and muffled an expletive. 

Hina had signed her name on the card with a flourish and left a cute stamp on the paper. Which, Donghyuck bitterly remembers, was heart shaped.

Hina had pressed the twice folded note into his palm and given him a look of warning. It was a telepathic conversation Donghyuck had no privileges to. He could only watch Jaemin slip the note into his pocket wordlessly and then actually begin to help Hina with her packages.

 

This was two years ago. That note is somewhere in Jaemin's bedside drawer inside his diary.

 

Donghyuck feels something ugly curl inside him. It hurts when he eyes the drawer and then the keys again. He can’t bring himself to look at Jaemin. 

The clock reads 3.18am and Donghyuck wants to yell. Immediately he decides to take Jaemin's keys. He'll bring back coffee and finally apologize. It hurts having to sidestep Jaemin. It's worse to see Jaemin look past him. Perhaps this is what losing a piece of yourself felt like.

When he tries to sit up, Jaemin's hand curls around his. It's a sleepy mumble he hears but it surprises Donghyuck all the same.

“Don’t be an idiot” 

Donghyuck can tell Jaemin is asleep but it's the way Jaemin pulls their clasped hands closer to himself that has Donghyuck gulping and feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. In the silence, he can hear his pulse throbbing in his ear. He looks down at the Ryan plushie under the same arm Jaemin is holding him with and Donghyuck is sure it's the most annoying expression he has come across on a stuffed toy. Disappointment. Disapproval. Or constipated. One of those. 

Donghyuck looks at it with distaste but moves closer to curl up against Jaemin. He intertwines their fingers together between them, option #3 forgotten, and buries it in the crook of his neck. He looks at Jaemin and _god_ he is painfully beautiful with his eyelashes fanning across his cheekbones and soft hair falling across his forehead. He resolutely ignores the look Ryan gives him and closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of Jaemin's shorter chubby fingers intertwined in his own and wills himself to sleep. 

 

When he wakes up next, it's to something pressed against his chest. He looks down and it's the Ryan plushie. Drowsily he registers the clock say 7.23am and an arm tightens around his waist. He's backed up against Jaemin's chest and it's a little too early on a weekend to fully understand the implications of Jaemin's breath on the nape of his neck. It's such a pretty dream. So he falls asleep again, hoping for it to continue. 

 

The next time, it's too bright and Donghyuck feels very tired. He realizes very quickly that his head is on Jaemin's shoulder. Another blink and Donghyuck can see the manhwa propped up against Jaemin's knee. Jaemin is very much awake. 

He doesn’t have coffee for the apology but he misses Jaemin _so much_. A quick trip down memory lane and he remembers he's fought with Mark as well. And if he steps out of this room, Renjun and Jeno will have ‘Questions’. 

His throat closes up with the anxiety and Jaemin feels him tense.

“Hey. Are you up?” Jaemin asks gently. His voice is hoarse from sleep.

“Yeah, I'm just—” Donghyuck wraps his arms around Jaemin's torso because he doesn't know what else to do, “--I just feel very tired.”

“Couldn't sleep?”

Donghyuck makes a sound of agreement and Jaemin chuckles. He pulls Donghyuck just a little closer. 

“Meanie. My mattress is the literal fluffiest”

“That's why I'm here, not on the couch”

“So you're here for my mattress and not for me” Jaemin teases. And this is it. This is where Donghyuck should apologize. So he tightens his arms around Jaemin.

 

“I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to say what I said. I miss you and I’m so sorry” his voice cracks as he brings it all out in one breath, hoping for the best. 

 

Jaemin puts the manhwa away haphazardly. He wasn't expecting Donghyuck to apologize because they both never do when they fight. They just take a day away and fall back into place like nothing had ever happened. But this had lasted four long days and Jaemin had felt an apology was in order as well. 

 

“Hey I'm sorry too. I said some things as well. But I wasn't _that_ angry in the first place because a few hours in, I realised you weren't wrong”

He diffuses Donghyuck's bubbling protests with a look. “I couldn't have known. Your relationship with Mark is—”

“Relationship?” Donghyuck snorts. “One of these days I'm going to kick him so hard” Donghyuck groans. “I fought with him. Again”

The hand on his shoulder is comforting.

“It's no fun if you and hyung don't bicker every day. For all you know he's right outside, waiting to apologize” Jaemin reassures him.

“Oh god I don't want to face him yet. Nor Renjun and Jeno. They're going to kill me.”

Jaemin laughs. “Do you want to sleep a little more? It's still too early”

Donghyuck mumbles a yes and throws a leg over Jaemin. Jaemin laughs and Donghyuck squeezes his eyes shut. That's one problem down.

“Did you fall asleep already?” Jaemin leans in to see. Donghyuck snores loudly in response and Jaemin laughs again, pulling him closer into a comfortable position.

When Jaemin mutters 'cute' and plants a gentle kiss on the top of his head, Donghyuck bites down his smile and hopes the colour does not show on his face. 

 

 

 

 

 

_-iv-_

 

 

It’s a sunny few weeks after the ‘incident’ that Donghyuck walks down to the visitor's centre after his 127 practice to collect a package. His twin had called and told him to expect it. He wasn't expecting to walk in on Hina making out with Koeun in the tiny waiting room. 

“Okay first of all, what the fuck?” Donghyuck’s jaw falls slack as he stumbles back in surprise.

“Oh my god go _away_ ” Hina groans. 

Donghyuck drags Koeun away and pouts, feeling mildly confused and betrayed. 

“That’s my girl Donghyuck” Koeun says happily. 

“Honestly you could do better” Donghyuck narrows his eyes at Hina who rolls her eyes but tosses his package for him to catch. Donghyuck was so sure Koeun had a tiny thing for Jungwoo. He had never been so wrong his whole entire life.

“I swear can you and Jaemin both strap yourselves onto a rocket and fuck off the face of the planet?” Hina tries to shove him out of the room.

“Hang on, he knows?” Donghyuck looks bewildered. He knows how close Jaemin, Jeno and Hina are. If Jaemin had that many opportunities to hang out with the girl, Donghyuck could imagine how they’d make a cute pair. He suddenly remembers the cursed note in Jaemin’s drawer.

“For 3 years now. He practically got us together” Koeun laughs when Donghyuck blanches. 

“But—didn’t you like him?” Donghyuck looks wide eyed at Hina, confused because why is there a heart on Jaemin’s stupid note and why were the contents of it such protected secrets?  

Hina stills. “Donghyuck” her face curls in disgust, “I’ll pretend you did not just say that”

Koeun laughs heartily behind her, slapping her knees, tearing up at the absurdity of it all but Donghyuck has never felt quite so lost. “We’re like siblings” Hina runs a hand across her face tiredly and moves to shove Donghyuck out of the room again.

“I can’t believe you two are still being idiots. It’s been ages and I can’t deal with you two anymore” she mutters to herself in annoyance.

What’s going on? _What’s that supposed to mean?_ Donghyuck is going crazy. Things were simply not adding up. 

 

 

“Ah hyung. I'm clocking out. I'll be in the Dream dorm” he calls Taeyong to tell and then runs all the way home. 

“Well you’re full of energy” Renjun comments from the kitchen when he walks in. 

“Yeah I just--nevermind. Where's Nana?” 

“Shower”  

The rest of them are washed up and setting up to play Xbox. Donghyuck washes up in the other bathroom, changes out of his shirt into one of Jeno’s and drops off his package on the table for later. Jaemin takes his sweet time in the bath, so this is his chance.

“I'll be inside” He says, not to anyone in particular as he walks resolutely to Jaemin's bedroom. 

 

It's right there out on the study desk. The diary with the folded note. 

 

Curiosity gets the better of him. He's not going to read the diary without permission but the note itself has been driving him crazy. He can’t stand not knowing anymore. 

So he reaches out for the diary, upturns it and sees his own sticky note fall out. He smiles to himself, then shakes the book by its spine and the note slips out easily.

'from Hina' stares back at him with a perfect little stamped heart in red. 

Donghyuck picks it up, looks back at the door once just to make sure the coast is clear and takes a deep breath before opening it in his palm.

Donghyuck's heart leaps to his throat.   
  


_'Confess to Donghyuck you dumb bitch'_ it reads.   
  


What.   
  
Donghyuck leans against the desk, feeling a little dizzy. He had a two-year-old note telling him Jaemin liked him. He can feel his heart race. He feels giddy about knowing his feelings were reciprocated.

But it’s been two years. Two years of pining and all these fights in between. Donghyuck feels so utterly stupid for unknowingly saying the things he has. Did Jaemin even like him that way anymore? 

“Hmm. That’s invasion of privacy” 

Jaemin’s voice is deep next to his ear and Donghyuck screeches, startled out of his thoughts. He quickly pockets the note when Jaemin leans over him from behind and slides the diary away. He’s very close, Donghyuck realises when he turns around to face him. He has to look all the way up and Jaemin hasn't stepped back. 

“I was curious, not gonna lie, but I didn’t open it” Donghyuck says. It's difficult to look at Jaemin now, knowing the thing he has learned but he tries hard not to look away. 

“Can’t say it wasn't tempting” he tries.

Jaemin’s eyes bore into his with an intensity that make it seem like he's stepped in closer. But he hasn’t.

 _So are you_. It’s etched across his face, or that's what Donghyuck wants that look to mean. 

“What are you doing in my room?” Jaemin asks instead. 

As Donghyuck fumbles for an excuse, Jaemin's eyes fly back to the diary and oh no. He really didn’t think this through. The note had sent him reeling and he really wasn't prepared to lie through his teeth. 

Jaemin spares him. 

“Is that Jeno's?” He asks. Donghyuck looks down at his t-shirt. 

“It is” 

“I don't like it” 

“Given all the ridiculous t-shirts he owns, this is one of his better ones, I'd say” Donghyuck laughs lowly. 

“Let me rephrase” Jaemin's voice sounds deeper to Donghyuck's trained ears. It makes him shiver. “I don’t like you _in_ it” 

 _Oh_. Donghyuck feels his face heat up very quickly. He looks down, noting with interest that Jaemin’s hands are shoved into his sweatpants and he’s wearing his cute Rilakkuma slippers. On any other day he'd have retorted with a clean _'it’s not up to you is it?'_ but he’s caught feelings, so he meekly mumbles. 

“Well what would you like me in?”

Jaemin leans in. “Something that's mine. It was our thing wasn't it?” He asks. 

He wasn't wrong. Donghyuck always borrowed Jaemin's shirts. He had outgrown Renjun’s size, Jeno’s probably fit him better but Jaemin’s were the most comfortable. Large and airy on his smaller frame.

Not ridiculously huge like Johnny’s or Xuxi’s but just perfect. They distinctly smelled like Jaemin's favourite scents which were very much to Donghyuck's taste because they were on the gentler side, unlike the sharp ones Yuta and Jaehyun preferred. Those gave him a headache but a good reason to come down to the Dream dorm and nick Jaemin's shirts. And when he thought no one was watching, perhaps pull up the collar to his nose and bury his face in it. 

“So lend me a t-shirt” Donghyuck looks up at him. 

Jaemin takes a step back and before Donghyuck can comprehend what's happening, he's peeling off the very t-shirt he is wearing. A worn out, pastel blue t-shirt that he has worn to practice countless times. The one Donghyuck has always had his eyes on but never gotten his hands on.

“Jaemin—” Jaemin shoves it into his hands and gives him a strange smile before turning to his closet.

_Oh god. Did he know?_

 

“Haven’t gotten around to this week's laundry yet” Jaemin mutters as an explanation but mostly to himself.

Was it possible for Donghyuck to turn redder than he already felt? Apparently yes. Jaemin's broad back was doing a number on him. Donghyuck audibly gulps and turns away to change. He had no idea when Jaemin had gotten so tall and broad but ever since he'd woken up on his shoulder, Donghyuck had declared it the #1 spot where he sleeps and feels truly well rested.   
He swings Jeno's shirt over his shoulder just as Jaemin pulls out a grey boat necked sweater from his closet. 

“I'm gonna go give this back” Donghyuck turns towards the door but Jaemin beats him to it. When Donghyuck tries walking around, Jaemin curls an arm around his waist and pulls him away from the door in one clean sweep. 

“What was that for?!” Donghyuck would later deny that he had squealed or that his knees felt weak. 

“I'm not done with you yet” Jaemin smiles at him. 

“Well at least put on your shirt for god’s sake!”

Jaemin does, quickly pulling the sleeves up to his elbows while he keeps Donghyuck still with a look.

“What now?” Donghyuck sounds annoyed. 

“I'm gonna need that note back” 

Donghyuck pales. He should have never underestimated Jaemin. There’s no way around this. 

“Finders keepers baby” Donghyuck doesn't know where the impulsive need to say so comes from but he's not about to back down now. 

He sees Jaemin's eyes flash and then he grins in amusement, tongue darting out to lick his lips.

Donghyuck can see the gears turn in his head and he is ready for Jaemin to be his infuriating self. 

“Well technically, you stole it—” he begins and _oh god_ Donghyuck doesn't have the braincells to come up with any more counters today. He's been wanting to headbutt Jaemin for some time now. Or was it to kiss him? 

Either way, Donghyuck takes two very purposeful steps forward and curls his hands into the collar of Jaemin's shirt. In the two steps it takes to reach Jaemin, he muddles both and clumsily ends up with his face buried in Jaemin's chest. He feels his face burn. He can feel Jaemin's grin without having to look at it when he locks his arms around Donghyuck's shoulder.

“Fuck, can you shut up for one second?” Donghyuck complains.

Jaemin chuckles instead. “What were you about to do?” He teases.

“Nothing” Donghyuck mumbles and wraps his arms around Jaemin's torso. “Just--stay like this for a bit. Please?”

Jaemin settles against the edge of his study table, pulling Donghyuck as close as he could. He buries his face into the crook of Donghyuck's neck. 

“Okay” he says.

They stay like that for a while, snug to the bones with the occasional sway till Donghyuck just wants to not run away anymore.

“Why didn't you tell me?” He asks.

He's met with silence only to realise how Jaemin's heart races against his front. It's as if Jaemin is hit with a realisation and from what Donghyuck has brought out in the open and placed between them, Jaemin knows _for sure_ that Donghyuck has read the note. Donghyuck tightens his hold around Jaemin, suddenly fearing he might bolt.

“Because you had this huge thing for Mark hyung then” Jaemin sighs. “I was not happy about it but I didn't want to ruin it for you. It wasn't my place. You like who you like so I had to accept that” 

“Could've still told me”

“You would've become uncomfortable around me. You can't force yourself to like someone Hyuck. It doesn't work that way”

“Is it too late now?”

Jaemin pulls away to look at Donghyuck. Donghyuck doesn't like this pained expression quite so much.

“Just because you found a note from Hina second guessing my feelings for you from nearly two years ago, doesn't mean you have to pity me Donghyuck. You don't have to feel obliged to like someone back just because they liked you some time ago” Jaemin says gently. “Sometimes you're too nice but this is not a game”

“So you don't like me anymore?”

Jaemin feels the tears prickle in his eyes. He feels a little cornered. It was time to put some distance between them, so he does.

“What does it matter now?” There was no point in saying anything if his feelings were never going to be reciprocated.

“Nana” Donghyuck whines and crowds him back against the desk again. They're back to where they were, except this time Donghyuck leans in close and runs his thumb across Jaemin's cheekbone tenderly.

“What would you say if I told you I've been wanting to kiss you for a little over a year now?”

Jaemin looks at him incredulously. “I'd say you're crazy”

“I am. No surprise there” Donghyuck bites his lip. Jaemin's heart skips a beat at how Donghyuck's ears redden. He's leaning in then, just very slightly, feeling braver than he has ever been.

So Donghyuck asks. “Can I kiss you? Please?”

Jaemin's consent is a strangled croak but he couldn't care less. Not when Donghyuck's soft lips are moving against his own.

Donghyuck is back in his arms again and he kisses him slowly, pulling back the first few times to make sure Jaemin really wanted this. Jaemin chases his lips and pulls him back in again, kissing him breathless, till Donghyuck melts against him.

 

 

'...ask him because no one beats Hyuckie hyung in this game' Donghyuck frowns when he hears footsteps approaching and pulls away in embarrassment but Jaemin is having none of it.

'He's going to be on my team. He likes me more than he likes you Pwark' It's Chenle and Jisung just outside Jaemin's room and Donghyuck can't help but feel the beginnings of panic swirl in his gut.

Jaemin must have noticed because the door knob turns but then, Donghyuck finds himself pressed against the door which slams shut from his weight on it.

 

“Hey! Rude!” Jisung protests from the other side.

“Not now Jisung. We're busy” Jaemin calls out. He grins against Donghyuck's neck and Donghyuck can't stop the bubbling laughter in his chest when the kids don't say anything.

“Smooth” Donghyuck punches him lightly and Jaemin pretends that hurt.

“Ow. Shut up and let me kiss you again” He's already leaning in and Donghyuck smiles into the kiss.

“Oh _god_ —"they hear Jisung wheeze and Chenle cackles.

“Y'all owe me big money!” He whoops and they scramble away.

 

“Did they bet on us?” Donghyuck rests his forehead against Jaemin's.

“This is news to me, so I'm going to extort that money” Jaemin's smile is wicked and Donghyuck remembers why he fell for Jaemin so hard and fast. 

“Let's make them buy us bingsu”

“Fruit ones this time” Jaemin teases and Donghyuck groans.

“Are you ever going to let me live that down?”

“Maybe after a few years” Jaemin buries his head in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck and laughs. They stay like that for a while. Donghyuck curls his fingers in Jaemin’s hair and nips at his ear. It makes Jaemin shiver and Donghyuck laugh lowly.

 

“Nana, don’t run away from me anymore please” Donghyuck mumbles.

“I’m sorry. I was sure you didn’t like me that way so I spent most of the year trying to get over you. I told myself not to get my hopes up every time you looked at me” Jaemin buries in closer, refusing to look at Donghyuck.

“I thought you hated me, for a second there” Donghyuck admits.

“I tried to. It’s not an easy thing to do” Jaemin presses a kiss to his cheek, then rests his forehead against Donghyuck’s. “I never want to feel _that_ miserable again”  
  
“So what are we now?” Donghyuck smiles up at him.

“Boyfriends?”

“I like the sound of that” Donghyuck giggles. Jaemin looks so endeared, he feels a flush tingle high on his cheeks.

“You're going to crush me” he complains when Jaemin squishes him against himself like he would a plushie.

“You're tiny and cute. I can't help it”

Donghyuck laughs. “We must be the first ones in a relationship without explicitly declaring our love for each other” He muses. 

Jaemin stills for a second and thinks back. Donghyuck was right.

“Wait, first one to admit it before midnight today loses” It's an impromptu suggestion but Jaemin is all ears.

“Consequences?” he asks.

“I didn't think that far ahead yet”

“Loser buys the winner a pack of Pepero” It's simple and Donghyuck loves Pepero so he jumps at the opportunity.

“Deal” he says happily.

“ _Really?_ Because I love you” Jaemin grins at him, all too fond and cheeks hurting. Donghyuck freezes, the smile sliding right off his face and promptly chokes up. He had walked into a trap unawares.

“I was not ready for that you sly—" He feels his face burn and hides it in his hands. Jaemin leaves a peck on the back of his hand and Donghyuck muffles an embarrassed groan.   

Jaemin doesn't mind buying Donghyuck a pack of Pepero. 

 

“You couldn't wait till midnight?” Donghyuck complains petulantly “Killjoy”

“Three years is enough waiting I think” Jaemin says. 

_Oh_. Donghyuck thinks when he looks wide eyed at Jaemin. _That long?_ He wonders just how patient Jaemin has been with him.

 

He squishes Jaemin's cheeks between his palms and Jaemin can only blink at him questioningly. 

 

“I love you” he says and tiptoes to kiss Jaemin, short and sweet. “Thanks for waiting”

 

It's overwhelming and immensely satisfying, the feelings that wash over Jaemin in that moment. So he says nothing and presses Donghyuck against the door again, swallowing his tiny whimper and kissing him silly.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

/End

 

-

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> -
> 
> A very Happy Diwali everyone. Be healthy and play safe.
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/nanahyvck) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/nanahyvck)


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